One Night Only Read online

  In our group of ten people, I talked to him only when I had to. He seemed like he didn’t even notice me, either. Our communication was professional, just the way it should be.

  I should have been happy for it. As I was walking around like a grenade, ready to explode any second, it would be selfish to want to bring another person into this mess. But I was human and for the first time in my life I wanted to have a boyfriend, to be loved by someone other than my family.

  I tried to forget him, even though I saw him every day.

  I tried to ignore the pain in my heart as well as the pain in my whole body, mostly on my knee.

  I added this shit into my already fucked-up life and I was angry at myself.

  And like this wasn’t enough…I was getting worse. The pain in my knee was getting stronger each day and I had no idea how much more I could stand.

  One night, I couldn’t stand it any longer.

  My hands turned into fists again as I tried to not scream. My nails left red strains on my palms, but nothing distracted me from the pain this time.

  I pulled my legs to myself as much as I could and tried to get smaller on my bed, like as if I got smaller the pain would become bearable. But it only got worse and I couldn’t stand it any longer, my consciousness was getting blurry. With the last effort I screamed, “Mom!”

  My parents came into my room in full panic, but I didn’t have any strength to calm them. Mom was already crying and my dad was trying to put me into my wheelchair, but he was struggling to do it with his shaking hands.

  I must have lost consciousness because when I opened my eyes I was already at the hospital. The pain was tolerable now, courtesy to the painkiller that was still filling my body through the needle in the back of my hand.

  The moment I noticed I was alone in the room, the door opened and my parents came in. My mom looked defeated, her eyes were swollen and red. I hurt for her, but there was nothing I could do.

  “April? Do you need anything?” my dad asked with a quiet but raspy voice.

  I wasn’t stupid. I knew my situation was bad, beyond curable. I passed the border of caring anymore. Probably, it was kind of a self defense mechanism, shutting off and not caring about anything…not even death.

  “Where is my phone, dad?” I asked, ignoring his unsure look.

  He handed it to me, “I brought it while you were sleeping.”

  “Thank you,” I murmured and opened facebook to find the one person I wanted to connect with: Ashton Kennedy…the dream guy.

  My fingers hesitated over his profile picture, but I was dying…what else could I lose? My pride? I was sure pride wouldn’t mean anything when I was dead.

  I took a deep breath and typed…

  Hello, Ashton.

  I’m gonna make the strangest offer of your life. It will be silly, maybe even meaningless, but I have to do this…before it is too late.

  I’m not your type of girl. I don’t have a model-like body, I’m not fun, and I’m the living example of ordinary. I know we haven’t talked so much and this fact makes my offer even more absurd, but I have to tell you the truth…I love you, Ashton. My fucked-up heart in this sick and ridiculous body chose you to love.

  Simply… I love you and I’m dying.

  Don’t think I’m joking… I really am dying. My body became the dinner table of the fucking cancer that is eating me alive, literally. I know I have so little time left, I just don’t know how little it is. My pain became unbearable and I’m feeling it is not much. Death is so close to me.

  Now, in a hospital room, I’m writing this message to you, throwing my pride out of the window, just to ask something from you…

  Don’t let me spend this night alone.

  I want a night from you…one night only.

  I want to feel like a normal girl… for one night only…

  You don’t have to do this, I know. But I’m still making the offer:

  One night only…

  After hitting the send button, my eyes were glued to the screen. I saw the message turn into “seen”, but there wasn’t any return message or any attempt of writing one.

  I put the phone on the bed and rested my head against the headboard. I was about to check my phone again when the door opened and my doctor came in.

  “How are you feeling, April?” he asked.

  “I’m okay.”

  “I’m sorry, April,” he said and I couldn’t help but feel surprised.

  “I wish the treatments we tried could help you,” he continued. I know he wasn’t talking as a professional right now. During this hard period, he was like a brother to me and now, the brother was talking.

  “Don’t worry, doc. Maybe the afterlife will be better,” I said, smiling sadly.

  He nodded and said before going out of the room, “I’m gonna let you rest.”

  My parents followed him outside and I grabbed my phone. There was a message and I was afraid of reading it.

  I closed my eyes for a second before opening it.

  Which hospital are you in?

  I wasn’t expecting a message like that…

  I didn’t know what to write so I went with the simple answer.

  Gate Hospital. Oncology Floor. Room 204.

  I saw he started to write again and the message popped up in a second:

  I’m on my way.

  I read and re-read his answer, searching for a cruel joke under it, but couldn’t find anything. I was too shocked to even write a simple “thank you”.

  After ten minutes, the door opened again, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from my phone. I didn’t want to see the painful look on my mom’s face, either. But as the footsteps got closer to my bed, I lifted my head to meet with Ashton’s brown eyes.

  “Hi, April,” he smiled at me. Even his teeth were perfect.

  “A-Ashton? You came?”

  “You wanted me to come…so, here I am,” he shrugged and did something that shocked the hell out of me: he kissed my cheek.

  “Wh-what are you doing?”

  I was still surprised. Even as I wrote the message to him, I wasn’t expecting him to come, let alone this fast…

  “Aren’t you my one-night-only-girlfriend?” he asked with a grin on his face, sitting next to me on the bed.

  “I didn’t think you would really accept my offer, actually?” I said, making some space for him since he was making himself comfortable on my bed.

  “I don’t get asked on dates by girls everyday. It was kind of cool,” he said, placing a loose strand from my wig behind my ear, making me comfortable with his easy-going attitude.

  I hit his arm, jokingly, “Hey! Don’t remind me of that again.”

  “Okay, princess,” he said and placed a bag on the bed.

  “What is that?”

  “My laptop, a few movies and some brochures from fast-food restaurants,” he winked at me, causing me to laugh. It was a long time since I last laughed with happiness.

  “You’re good at this,” I murmured.

  “Hell yeah, I am. You’re in good hands, princess,” he said.

  I was grateful to him for not making it awkward. He even put his arm around me, but when I momentarily tensed with the contact he said, “Relax, okay? We are here tonight and we can have fun together.”

  I nodded and stopped overthinking it when I realized this might be my last chance to be “normal”.

  Checking the movies I was impressed with his choices.

  “The Vow, The Notebook, Dear John, Step Up…wow, did you choose them all?”

  “Actually…I may have called my sister for a little help.”

  “Don’t forget to thank your sister for me,” I murmured.

  “Don’t worry about it. Are you ready to start with one of them? You’ll not sleep before we watch them all, okay? I’m warning you.”

  “Okay. Let’s start,” I said eagerly, but the moment the movie started my parents came in the room.

  The look on their faces would have been funny if
we were in any other situation. Ashton surprised me by introducing himself to my parents so respectfully.

  “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Estelle. I’m Ashton…your daughter’s boyfriend.”

  My parents’ faces were similar to mine with their eyebrows raised in shock, mouths slightly open…

  I got a hold of my emotions and tried to help Ashton, “Mom, Ashton thought we could watch movies. He’ll stay with me tonight if you both are okay with it.”

  “Oh, sure. It’s nice to meet you, Ashton. April, your doctor said the room at the furthest corner of the hall was empty. I think we’ll stay there tonight,” my mom said with extra emphasis on “the furthest corner”.

  “Nice to meet you, Ashton,” my dad said as he left the room with my mom.

  “Well, that was pretty awkward,” I murmured.

  He sat back next to me and replied, “Yeah, it was…but let’s not think about that. Start the movie, princess.”

  When two movies were out of the way, I didn’t notice how the time had flown by.

  Ashton was so much fun to be around. Even though he mocked me as I cried over some scenes in the movies, he laughed at me only after he calmed me.

  “I’m hungry, princess. What about you?” he asked, rubbing his stomach, pulling my attention to the taut muscles there.

  I cleared my throat, nervously, feeling flushed like I was a thirteen year old teenager. But in a way, I was…I was so inexperienced when it came to the opposite sex.

  I tore my gaze from his six pack, meeting his eyes. There was a smirk on his face, letting me know he caught me checking him out, but I wasn’t uncomfortable because of him catching me.

  “I think I’m hungry, too,” I murmured.

  “Hmm, it seems like it,” he said, winking at me.

  After checking all the brochures, we decided on the classic –pizza.

  “Okay, pizza is coming. Now, tell me about yourself,” he offered.

  “What do you want to know?”

  “I don’t know…favorite color?” he shrugged.

  “Blue and purple,” I answered. I didn’t have a favorite color, it has to be both or none.

  “Favorite movie?” he asked this time.

  “The Fault in Our Stars.”

  “You’re kidding? Really?” he fully turned to me.

  “What? That movie is beautiful…and shows the ugly face of cancer in the best way, even though it sugarcoats it with love and all,” I protested.

  His face was serious as he listened to me, murmuring, “I’d better watch it.”

  “What kind of books do you read?” he asked this time.

  “Erotica,” I answered proudly.

  “Hmm, naughty…I like it,” he laughed.

  “Don’t laugh. I’m proud of what I read,” I giggled.

  He pulled me toward him, causing me to lie down on the bed and said, “You must be a pro at sex, then.”

  “Who knows? I thought practice was what made people perfect, not reading,” I whispered as he leaned into me.

  “We can test that theory,” he whispered against my lips.

  “I don’t have anything to lose,” I whispered back, suddenly feeling bold.

  “I think you have, baby,” he said sweetly, pushing his hips between my legs, emphasizing his point.

  Yeah… virginity… sure.

  “I don’t think I will need it… after…” I started to say, but he stopped me with his lips.

  I gasped at the soft touch of his lips. It wasn’t my first kiss, but in a way it was because I had never been kissed like this. His kiss was desperate, full of passion yet tender… totally different than my sixth grade kiss.

  I parted my lips with the flick of his tongue on my bottom lip and he groaned as his tongue caressed mine. My hand moved to his hair, trying to get closer to him as his grip tightened on my hipbone. It hurt my sensitive body, but the pain was delicious. I wanted more.

  I moaned, letting him deepen the kiss…

  Only to be separated when the door opened by the nervous pizza boy.

  I was still laughing when the pizza-boy left the room, sheepishly. Trying to not get caught in the hospital and leave us alone as soon as possible. His face was red the whole time, it was cute actually.

  “Shh, don’t laugh at the poor boy,” Ashton said, but he was also grinning.

  “What’s the next movie we’ll watch?” I asked, changing the topic.

  “Step-up,” he said, hitting the play button on his laptop as he handed me my plate.

  I was full after my second slice. It was the most I’ve eaten in years. I was cheerful, feeling like everything would be okay somehow. But in the back of my mind I knew this only proved that I was closer to the end than I assumed.

  I was afraid that this day would be the last good day before the bad ones.

  As we watched the movie, Ashton pulled me toward him, resting my head on his chest, wrapping his arm around me.

  I was watching him as he watched the movie, wondering what would have happened if I was brave enough to talk to him earlier.

  He tore his gaze away from the screen and looked at me, our faces were so close. There was a question on his face, probably wondering why I was staring at him.

  “The painkiller is empty,” I pointed to the serum next to the table. It was my lame explanation, but it was also the truth. I didn’t know when the pain would kick in again and ruin the night if I didn’t have the painkiller in my system.

  “I’ll go get a nurse,” he said, leaving the room just after he placed a kiss to my forehead.

  Who was this guy?

  Was he doing all these things just because I’m about to…

  I shook my head, not giving myself the permission to think these things. I didn’t care how selfish it was… I wanted this night and I wanted to have as much fun as I could. It didn’t have to be real, it just needed to feel like it.

  I closed my eyes and sighed, forcing my mind to go to happy places as Ashton returned with the nurse, Christy. She was my favorite nurse in the hospital.

  “Hey, April. Your doctor said to give you another one,” Christy said as she changed the serum.

  “How are you feeling?” she asked before leaving the room.

  “I’m okay,” I smiled, trying not to think about the pity in her eyes.

  When she left the room, Ashton sat back next to me again. We didn’t talk, just watched the movie as my head rested on his chest.

  After awhile I couldn’t stop the tears that filled my eyes. I tried to stay as silent as I could, but Ashton must have felt the wetness on his shirt, he lifted my head with a finger under my chin.

  “Are you crying over a dance movie? Really, princess?” he laughed at me, but his face turned serious as I failed to smile back at him.

  “What is it? Tell me.”

  “Nothing… just silly,” I said, reaching out for a tissue, but he pulled me onto his lap.

  I momentarily forgot what the problem was when I felt his body this close to me.

  “Tell me,” he insisted, placing his hands on my waist.

  “I just… I always loved dancing and these movies were my favorites, I could easily imagine myself in one of them. But now… knowing that I will never do this… my dreams are dying with me, Ashton and I cannot help them,” I sobbed, hugging him.

  He let me cry for awhile and after that he started to hum a song that I didn’t know.

  “What are you doing?” I asked as he slid me into place, tucking me down and pulling me back to him.

  “Dancing,” he shrugged, but before I could answer him he continued, “Not being able to dance shouldn’t stop you from enjoying music.”

  I rested my forehead on his and closed my eyes, trying to keep my emotions in check, but my eyes opened when his lips touched mine.

  I pulled myself back, “You don’t have to do this. You don’t have to kiss me out of pity.”

  “Don’t be stupid. Do you really think I would kiss you because I pitied you?” he frowned.
>
  I didn’t answer him, only shrugged.

  “You were wrong in your message, April,” he started to say and I frowned, but I wasn’t sure if he could tell that without my eyebrows.

  “You said you weren’t my type… you were wrong. I noticed you the first moment I saw you, in that chemistry class. But I thought that you didn’t like me, I thought… fuck! I don’t know, I thought you would be the first girl who would reject me and I stayed away to save my pride,” he said and I giggled at his confession.

  “Don’t laugh. I’m angry at both of us. If one of us was braver… we could have four months, April. Now… we have…” he trailed off.

  “One night only,” I whispered.

  I wasn’t sure if we really had one night. I hoped we had more, but that was what started everything… one night only.

  “Will you make love to me?” I whispered.

  “April…” he protested, but I stopped him with a kiss.

  I wanted to leave this world after tasting this one last pleasure.

  “Are you sure?” he whispered, peppering kisses to my cheeks, my neck.

  “Yes.”

  I questioned my decision as Ashton locked the door. My whole body had bruises, scars from operations… did I really want him to see me like this?

  He hugged me like he sensed my hesitation.

  “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. But if you’re having cold feet because of any kind of self-doubt, stop it,” he whispered into my hair.

  “I have scars… bruises,” I whispered back. He didn’t say anything, instead he kissed my neck, slowly pulling down my t-shirt straps.

  “Ashton…”

  “Shh… let me make you feel good,” was his only response.

  And I let him…

  I let him consume my feelings with his soft caresses… memorize my skin with his lips.

  I gave him the permission to hurt me, only to replace the pain with pleasure. I chose to give him the only thing I could.